Maybe every artist has this problem, deep down. Or not-so-deep down.
It's not like I'm bent on using this blog for quote "therapy purposes," but seeing as a lot of model horse people are creatives in their own right, it certainly feels appropriate.
I am a workaholic. (Admitting it is the first step, right?)
I don't know if it comes from the so-called "hustle culture" we see a lot of these days (I say that as if I'm not under 25, wow) or if it's something else entirely. I grew up hearing the adages about starving artists, so while that thankfully didn't come from anybody in my immediate family circle and was supposedly a joke (we all know it's not,) I spent a lot of time in high school and college and even now, kinda, honing my craft non-stop because I wanted to prove a point.
That I COULD do this.
That I could make art that I was happy with. That I could get a good job in my field, and I would enjoy it. That the things I made would leave an impression on someone. That I wouldn't fall into the same category as those "starving artists."
But looking back now? I don't think I needed to push myself as hard... because it's really caused me to struggle.
My hobby has become my job, but now I'm trapped in the vicious cycle of not knowing when to quit and not knowing how to separate the work from the hobby. I'm certainly not complaining about the fact that I'm able to be a Breyer dealer, that I have designed colorways and patterns and done event planning for another major model horse company, and I'm also drawing and producing my own artwork and customs... but I really, seriously need to remind myself to take breaks and just reassure myself every now and then that the world isn't going to end if I don't finish this work thing RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.
And that probably should include not writing a blog post on a Sunday night.
However, as a little ending note here, I want you all to have some nice pictures of this Purple Thing as payment for reading my rant.
Here's to better working habits in 2023.
(Oh, and P.S.-- Purple Thing is for sale. Someone take him. He's too purple to keep in my house.)